ur embarrassing urself

look buddy, your car was upside down when i got here, as for your grandmother, she shouldnt have mouthed off like that

If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room.

—Anita Roddick. (via quotedojo)

tomoatmeal:

I know the carwash scares the dog, but tough shit. It scares me, too.  
The mechanism drags our vehicle in and I scream, “We’re going to die!”
The dog whimpers and barks.
"I’ve changed my mind!" I yell.  "Oh god, let me out!"  I use my fingers to pry at the closed windows, but it’s no use. We’re trapped in a tornado of escalating panic. My loss of control makes it worse for the dog and vice versa.
I know that in this space, the relationship between the dog and I is toxic, but he’s my friend and we’re supposed to see a movie later.
I vomit and beg the dog to kill me. I even take his little paws and manually place them on my throat, but either he’s not smart enough to understand strangulation or he fears that my death will force him to surrender a lifestyle he’s grown accustomed to.
At long last, daylight. The nightmare is over. The dog and I bolt out of the car and race over to a patch of grass next to the vending machines.
We embrace.  There are some things we need to work on, but not today.

tomoatmeal:

I know the carwash scares the dog, but tough shit. It scares me, too. 

The mechanism drags our vehicle in and I scream, “We’re going to die!”

The dog whimpers and barks.

"I’ve changed my mind!" I yell.  "Oh god, let me out!"  I use my fingers to pry at the closed windows, but it’s no use. We’re trapped in a tornado of escalating panic. My loss of control makes it worse for the dog and vice versa.

I know that in this space, the relationship between the dog and I is toxic, but he’s my friend and we’re supposed to see a movie later.

I vomit and beg the dog to kill me. I even take his little paws and manually place them on my throat, but either he’s not smart enough to understand strangulation or he fears that my death will force him to surrender a lifestyle he’s grown accustomed to.

At long last, daylight. The nightmare is over. The dog and I bolt out of the car and race over to a patch of grass next to the vending machines.

We embrace.  There are some things we need to work on, but not today.

(Source: tomoatmeal, via enemaroberts)

MetroStation

—Shake It

Now, if she touches like this

Will you touch her right back?

bro remember when u listened to this song in the commons area of your middle school and you had a purple and black zebra case on your ipod and your background was a cartoon monster or cupcake and muffin that said ‘muffins are just ugly cupcakes’and you were wearing glittery converse and you teased and straightened your hair and wore a bow in itand you told everyone u got the bow at hot topic but you really got it at claires for 6.95 and you had like a whole dance choreographed in your head to this song but you never actually did it and then you went and talked about nightmare before christmas with your friend for an hour over skype

(Source: imtomatocheeks, via firefoxed)

natnovna:

drake just wrote his whole next album sitting in that chair 

(via fagmobs)

tanetaneisland:

i submitted this image as my senior baby picture and they just put it in the slideshow. nobody questioned whether or not this is actually a genuine photo of me or not. when im dead i hope everybody remembers me as this horrifying little baby child.

tanetaneisland:

i submitted this image as my senior baby picture and they just put it in the slideshow. nobody questioned whether or not this is actually a genuine photo of me or not. when im dead i hope everybody remembers me as this horrifying little baby child.

(via firefoxed)

thecutestofthecute:

My friend saw on Animal Planet that Golden Retriever’s mouths are so soft they can carry eggs without breaking them, so she tested it. 

thecutestofthecute:

My friend saw on Animal Planet that Golden Retriever’s mouths are so soft they can carry eggs without breaking them, so she tested it. 

(Source: reddit.com, via dogapult)