ur embarrassing urself

look buddy, your car was upside down when i got here, as for your grandmother, she shouldnt have mouthed off like that

miucciapet:

android commercial: *proves that they’re better than iphones in every way possible*

me: …and?

(via vagina-itch)

railroadsoftware:

person: so what have you been up to
me: (speaking very humble) well, I just got some new carpet.. it’s plush…
person: (trying not to sound envious) pl… plush? wow. I hear thats the nicest of all carpets
me: oh it’s nothing..

(via foxnewsofficial)

unwomanlythoughts:

microaggressions:

When a financial institution asks me my “mother’s maiden name” as a security question. Because it’s assumed that I have at least one and no more than one mother in my life AND that she married AND that she gave up her own name AND that that part of her identity was erased enough from my public history so as to be a password to access my private information.

Holy crap, I never realized.

(via egberts)

edwardspoonhands:

off-width:

hoodvale:

This post always slaps me in the face

Wow, no kidding.

This is not technically true…time did not exist before the big bang, so you really only spent 13.98 billion years not being born yet. Still a lot of years.

edwardspoonhands:

off-width:

hoodvale:

This post always slaps me in the face

Wow, no kidding.

This is not technically true…time did not exist before the big bang, so you really only spent 13.98 billion years not being born yet. Still a lot of years.

(Source: stresscomic, via scarymermaid)